Valentine's Forever - Part 3

Well, I still wondered if it was the right timing to be engaged but just really prayed about it. We started planning the wedding and took a pre-marital class that was really good. Below are some pictures of the gazebo Matt and his dad were building out on their land for us to get married in. I had always wanted an outside wedding. It was going to be right in front of their pond. I had mentioned to Matt's dad that I wanted swans out there on the pond while we got married. He went out and tried to get some for me but they are really expensive. He decided to get geese instead. It was so funny because those geese would always try and attack us and especially Matt's mom as she got in her car to go to work every morning. She had to carry a stick to fight them off!!! So funny. They've gotten rid of them thank goodness. I was also going to ride down to the gazebo in a carriage that Matt's dad built. So cool.




After several months, Matt changed careers and we both moved up to the Dallas area so he could go back to school. He decided he wanted to take some film classes. He moved in with a few of our friends and I got an apartment about 45 minutes away and started teaching at a middle school coaching 7th and 8th grade girls. Hard to believe if you know me very well. : ) I am no jock, I just like to have fun with sports....and only fun. The only thing I've done competitively is cross country running and drillteam!! But, it was the only job I could find that was related to teaching elementary P.E. Here I am with my girls.


Soon after we moved up there, Matt didn't feel like it was the right time to get married either. He was having a hard time getting his film production career started and had to work a lot while going back to school, and I was learning to accept all of who Matt was (without changing him) as well as wanting a spiritual leader. I was also dealing with fears that he'd find someone better he liked and dealt a lot with jealousy. After a lot of hard times, he felt we should break off the engagement. He told me one of the reasons he proposed to me was so that I would feel secure in his love for me. He did propose because he wanted to marry me but he was never in a rush and he felt like ever since we got engaged we started rushing. He wrote me a letter shortly after we got engaged and it said that he wanted us to continue to learn how to love each other and not feel pressured or in a rush to set a date. When he broke off the engagement I was relieved since I had doubts it was the right time. Little did I know, he was thinking we were not just breaking off the engagement, but we were also breaking up. (We were really butting heads at the time....which we learned later that we were "sharpening each other" and learning to be one and complete each other. We are a lot alike in many ways but we are also different in many ways and we had to realize how to accept that and love each other in our differences. It took us breaking up to understand that we needed each other and needed to learn more about how to respect each other). But, I thought we were just breaking off the engagement.....BIG miscommunication. Here he is with some of the other film students out working on a film.



We spent a lot of time apart and I was very sad and missed him but felt like God needed to help Matt get more settled and content with his career as well as more focused on Him. I was learning to accept that God was needing to work on me as well. That was a rough 5 months that we were broken up. My grandparents lived 35 minutes from me so I went and visited them every weekend. Matt was busy working and going to school. He didn't have hardly any free time.

We talked periodically and he realized how sad I was. One clue was that I visited his parent's house on the way to my mom's one weekend and while I was there I started crying! Matt's mom told Matt about my visit. He called me and asked me about it and I told him that I was lonely and missed him and that things were really hard with us not being together more. We began talking more and even hanging out more although it was really hard due to his schedule and mine AND us living pretty far away. We had to fight traffic in order to see each other in the evenings. He wanted to give our relationship another try and we began hanging out like I said, talking about things that were hard in our relationship, and we decided to give it another try. It was at that point that we realized there was a BIG miscommunication about breaking off our engagement. Here we are at a hotel he worked room service in. I would visit him here sometimes because he was so busy with school and working here. A lot of times he couldn't get away long enough to visit me. He worked in the restaurant for a little while waiting tables so I would go and sit in his section so I could eat and talk to him.

I applied for an elementary PE position that came available. They don't come available very often because there is only one or two at each school. It would mean I would get to live closer to Matt and also be doing what I loved. God opened the door and I ended up teaching there 8 years! I loved that job. I made some really good friends there who were very supportive and great to work with. Here's a pic of me with my friends, the music and art teacher. They went through high waters with me during this time in my life.

We began to visit churches so that we could become members because we both knew we needed to do that to stay close to God and for us to work out. We found one and got involved. Things started going better. Here we are with our "lifegroup" (Bible study group) that met on Friday nights. We had all gone bowling. The second picture is of us out at the lake one day.


After another year or two Matt proposed to me again in our church after a slide show he had made for me. He had tricked me into dropping something off at the church in the sanctuary for him (up in the video booth). As soon as I walked in the door it was dark and a slide show started. I couldn't see where he was so I just sat down in a chair and watched it. It was pictures of us dating. Afterwards he turned the lights on and then came over to me with a few roses in his hands. He very nervously asked me to marry him. But, at that time, I didn't feel things should be the way they should be together, I needed to analyze our relationship and make sure it was a good fit, and I also started having really deep spiritual questions that I wanted to get worked out before making a commitment before God and to God. I didn't tell him no, I made it clear I wasn't saying no, I told him I wasn't ready and to please be patient with me. I cried many tears and Matt was very hurt but he just tried to be understanding and patient. Whew! What a rough day that was. It was aweful for both of us. I felt terrible but I had to be honest with what I was dealing with. I was so sad.

Things were really hard after he proposed and I said I wasn't ready, but Matt tried to stay positive and encouraging to me. He tried to help me with my spiritual questions but everyone I talked to just couldn't. I had to just wrestle with God myself. This went on for a year. Matt and I also did a lot of talking about our relationship and discussed if it would be a good decision for us to marry. We had to make sure we were on the same page in a lot of areas and I needed reassurance in a lot of ways to make sure I could trust him and that he was satisfied with me. I had a LOT of fears about being cheated on and left for another woman. Not that he gave me any reason to believe he'd ever do that, but I've seen a lot of it. I also had to make sure I was satisfied with him and that God had put us together. I wanted to make sure we could serve God together and each be everything God had created us as individuals to be while being married. I found some really good books that helped put some perspective on this huge decision. I was actually very overwhelmed with all the advice there was on this matter and didn't know how to make the right decision. I mean I knew Matt would be good to me and was amazing and that we were good together, but those other areas that are hard...miscommunication, fear, our own character flaws (sinful nature) were scaring me and frustrating me at times. I was dealing with these things alongside my struggling relationship with God and it was overwhelming to say the least. In spite of all of this and it being hard on both of us, we stayed together and Matt stuck by my side the best he could waiting. I am so grateful. God is good. Here we are at a few different church "lifegroup" gatherings.


Around this time Matt wasn't feeling like his film classes were teaching him all that much. He felt like most of what he learned was self taught and just getting out there and being exposed to the film world. He decided to stop going to classes and get a full time job. He worked on a golf course flippin' burgers out on a grill in the middle of the course! That was a fun job and he was able to do some writing and meet some fun people but it was also very humbling for him and frustrating at times knowing it wasn't what his full potential was. Here he is out on the golf course. The next pics are of us on his birthday and us that Christmas.



After working there for about a year, I believe, and also working on other film projects, he was given the opportunity to do a live worship concert for a band called "Pocket Full of Rocks" through our friend Brock. It was an amazing opportunity. He also started his company, Unblind Productions. Here are some pics from the night he filmed the worship concert. These people became very special to us over the next year.






Through this opportunity with Pocket Full of Rocks, he was asked to go out to East Texas and do part time video work for a church where this band led worship. We discussed it and I told him I'd support him if he felt it was what God was calling him to do. He assured me that we would stay close and that he wanted me to get a job out there where he was if I wanted. He also assured me he wasn't leaving because of me and that he wanted to stay together. We took many road trips visiting each other. We missed each other terribly. The funny thing is, it was during that time that we grew closer and had more fun together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder when you are meant to be together I believe. I guess, not always. Distance can sometimes put a strain on any relationship, but God kept us close, Matt made sure I felt included in his new friendships, and we kept in touch. Another thing that helped during this time was the new friends out in East Texas. They were so good to us and loved on us during an awkward time in our lives. I know we were probably hard to figure out and difficult to love at times, but they were still so good to us and loved us like Christ loves us. Here's a pic I took of him in his new room in East Texas working and of him standing outside his new house he rented with a friend from the band. Below that are just some pics around this time in our life.









Part 4 - The last part of our story will come soon!