Oranges, Crackers, and Peanut Butter

That's all I wanted a few weeks back due to my pregnancy. It's so funny how you don't want any of the normal favorite foods you eat in the early stages of being pregnant....or atleast I don't. I never like oranges or crackers normally either.

The morning sickness started when I was 6 weeks along and lasted until 8 weeks. I believe it stopped because Matt prayed for it to stop. Funny thing is, I hadn't even thought to pray for it to stop. I knew it was all part of pregnancy. With Merrae, I started getting sick at 8 weeks and it lasted until 12 weeks. So, this answer to prayer is a relief!

I still get severely hungry if I haven't eaten in a while. It's not your normal hunger, it's intense. I don't want the oranges and crackers quite so much now that the sickness has stopped, but I also don't want all the other normal things I like, like my blessed guacamole and salty chips. I usually don't crave sweets and I know they say that pregnancy doesn't cause you to crave junk, but for me, IT DOES. I have to really fight it. It's by God's grace that I haven't given in to my desire for a peanut filled chocolate bar or a milkshake. I never want milkshakes. Funny. I did however give in to Matt's homemade chocolate chip cookies he likes to make.

I am 10 weeks today I believe. It's hard to keep up with that sometimes because it's confusing to me how the doctors calculate everything. My next appointment is a week from today. Not sure if they'll be able to let me hear the heartbeat or not. At the last appointment 3 weeks ago (1st appointment), we got to get a sonogram and saw the baby, the heartbeat, and yoke sac. The baby was in the right place and everything looked good. Thank you God. We were prepared for whatever and still are because due to living in this imperfect world, you never know what can happen. But, we always pray for the best. We are always thankful for the blessings.

This baby is a huge blessing! We waited to start trying until Merrae would be 2 when the baby is born (at the youngest). Knowing that it sometimes takes a while to get pregnant, we wanted to get started. We were also told by our doctor several years back that it would probably take us a long time to get pregnant due to my irregular cylces. I've had a problem with that for a long time. Well, God allowed us to get pregnant right away with Merrae and now again, he has answered our prayers to get pregnant right away with this precious baby.

We were prepared to wait knowing that God's timing is perfect even if it means we have to wait. But, we were so excited for it to happen this soon, and feel blessed. We married later in life and I would like one or two more after this one and so, if that's God's plan, I think it's better to get going before our bodies get older and there are more risks. I know God can overcome age too, but I think it's wise to not delay considering statistics. Anyway, we'll see if it's God's plan for us to have more after this or even if this pregnancy is to continue (I'm not being negative or fearful...just don't want to assume). But, right now it's our desire to have more after this. I love big families. I think they are so much fun.....having all those people around. We are so thankful and excited that this baby is here!

Right now we are trying to deal with all those new hormones raging that fill your body with pregnancy. I've been told it's like having PMS long term. I haven't done a whole lot of research on it but it has been true for me especially the last several weeks. I have irrational feelings and feel filled with rage. Other times I cry very easily. Poor Matt. I'm trying to remember that's going on and try to use self-control.... I feel like it's getting better. Hopefully it is. Other than that, I am a bit drained feeling and I get tired easily on some days that we go walking. It was funny, the other day when we were walking, I could barely push the stroller and was going SOO slow. During these early stages of pregnancy that seems so weird because you can still wear all of your normal clothes and aren't carrying a large amount of extra weight. I know that my body is working hard though. It's all such a miracle....a baby being formed inside you.

Let's take a vote!!!

Ok, so today Matt was totally making fun of the outfit I picked out. It got chillier this morning and so searching through my closet, this is the outfit I came up with trying to be creative. You know how it goes....you get tired of your wardrobe or most of your clothes are dirty. I thought it turned out pretty cute. I mean, it's not the greatest but I think it works.

Matt said, "Meredith, you know I love you right?" I said, "Yeah?" He said, "You know I'd never say anything to hurt your feelings right?" I said, "Yeah?" He said, "You know I know that you are good at picking out outfits right?" I said, "What! You don't like my outfit? I think it's cute and I'm wearing it today!" I guess I should care enough to change it for him, and I actually do, but that would mean I have to go back into my closet and agonize over something I could wear again. : ) We decided that neither of us would take offense and it would be our joke for the day. He was sweet, later he told me, "Maybe it's just because I've never seen you wear that together. Sometimes when I see something for the first time I have to get used to it"....or something like that. Funny.

So, let's take a vote! You won't hurt my feelings. : ) Comment us and tell us yes or no on the outfit. If you don't know how to comment yet, figure it out!

I'm going on a cruise with my sister!!!!

I'm going on a cruise at the end of March!! Whoo Hoo! All the planning started when we had an airline ticket voucher we didn't use last year. Merrae had gotten sick when we were planning to fly to Seattle to attend my Dad's wedding, so we weren't able to go. We had to use the ticket by this April. I had been talking to my sister in Seattle and missing her as she was going through a hard time. When I asked her when I should come visit her she said she wanted me to over her spring break which is the first week in April. So, we made plans to visit. As we started calculating the cost of how much it was going to cost for us to go up there as a family and renting a car and all, it seemed cheaper to just fly Rebecca down here and do something special. I had been hearing about all of my friend's cruises and they started sounding really fun. I started hoping Rebecca and I could go on a cruise, just the two of us. She loves the heat of Texas in the summer and I knew it wouldn't be that warm the first week in April so I was trying to find a way to get her someplace warm. Then I found a cruise going to Mexico that was a good price.

My Dad and step-mom said they would like to pay for Rebecca's cruise ticket because they felt like it was important for us to spend this time together. That was a huge blessing financially. We wouldn't be able to go otherwise probably. We are saving for a house and were trying to do something cheaper than we'd be doing by going to Seattle. When I mentioned the idea to Rebecca she was so excited. So, we are going!!!!!!

I splurged a little to get us a room with a nice big window. The ship isn't the top of the line ship but it'll be fun for a first time short cruise. I cannot wait!

Matt is going to watch Merrae and stay with his parents for a few days, then we'll meet up with my family after the cruise is over. I am really looking forward to some sister time. I'd love to do this with Matt in the future as well, but right now is the time for me and my sister to have some fun together.

Thank you God for providing a way!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Watch this fun video....

Valentine's Forever - Part 1

I thought it'd be fun to share our story. It is a beautiful one led by God.

It all began in elementary school and possibly before that. Matt and I both went to the same Vacation Bible School at Houston Northwest Bapt. Church and could have played together there in preschool. Matt says he remembers me at Metropolitan Bapt. church during Sunday School or even another Vacation Bible School when we were in elementary school. He described a few sweaters I wore and I couldn't believe he remembered that. The pics below are of us about the age we were when we went to VBS together in elementary school. Actually we were probably a little older but these are the only pics I could find!


Then, we were in the same youth group at church and were acquaintenances as we both participated in different activities with the church. One of them was a beach trip where two of our friends had a crush on each other. Another was choir where I had to keep track of his attendance.

We went to separate high schools but at the beginning of our junior year, his family moved and he ended up at my high school. We bumped into each other, said hi, learned each other's name, and compared class schedules. We ended up being in the same english class. We had a great time in that class together. Our English teacher was an odd bird and we would look at each other and CRACK up laughing. I had never laughed that hard in all my life. Part of the reason I laughed so hard was because Matt was really good at imitating her. She would always wear shirts that showed cleavage and she would take her pen or pencil and scratch in between her cleavage during her lecture and get this funny grin on her face. She had the weirdest expressions. She was pretty clueless to what was going on around her and Matt and I would pass notes, even throw them across the room at each other and she wouldn't notice.

Then the phone calls started. Matt would call me and want to get together to "study". : ) No, we really would study and get stuff taken care of, but I think he just wanted to hang out because a lot of times that we would get together, he was unmotivated to study and I would get frustrated with him. : ) He was very entertaining though. We'd listen to music, watch t.v., laugh, other friends would come over, we'd eat Blue Bell ice cream, and occassionally I would give him a neck massage. His place was always a good hang out place for our friends. He was always getting people together and planning fun stuff for all of us to do. So, I'd always get invited for the most part. He'd also ask me to go with him to run errands or see if I needed to go the same place he did and I could tag along. We'd run to the store to get stuff for our parents or go get frozen yogurt.

He would also call me to just talk. We would talk on the phone for a long time almost everyday. We became really good friends before I knew it. We were both very involved with our youth group at church and had a great youth minister who challenged us. When we talked on the phone we would talk a lot about what we were learning and would hold each other accoutable for spending daily time with God. We would encourage each other. We would also have some good laughs.

He gave John (my brother) and I a ride to school for a while in his ratty old car that he called "the roach". He was fun to ride with...always very entertaining for John and I.

He had a crush on me and I didn't know it. I wasn't interested in him in that way nor was I attracted at the time. I just really enjoyed hanging out with him and he was a good friend, or even like a best friend. He told me later that he didn't want to ruin our friendship or scare me off so he never told me he was interested. He just tried to give me hints here or there that I never clued in to. The pic below is Matt and I at my drillteam competition up in Dallas. Isn't my outfit funny? I hated that outfit. He and our friend Drew were up visiting Drew's dad and they swung over to the competition. I was so surprised to see them!


After about a year of hanging out we both became good friends with a girl that also went to our church and who I was in drillteam with. They soon took interest in each other (Matt said he had given up on the idea that I'd ever clue in to him being interested in me and he didn't want to ruin our friendship). So, they started dating and he'd call me for advice when he wasn't sure how to read her. She was one of my best friends and she and I both thought a lot alike in most situations. So, I'd try to help him out and encourage that relationship. They were both special to me and I was happy they were together. I thought it was great they were dating. Here's our senior pictures.



We would still all hang out with others from the youth group and sometimes I would end up on double dates with Matt, although Matt wasn't my date. On one occassion I was not enjoying my date at all. He was driving me crazy and I wasn't interested at all. It was funny. So, that night my friend agreed to sit in the front seat next to the guy so I wouldn't have to and Matt sat in the back seat with me. We were laughing so hard in the back seat over the situation and it soon turned into us joking around and even tickling each other of all things. It was very innocent. I wasn't trying to steal my friend's boyfriend or anything. I wasn't interested. We were just having a fun time. Now that I think about it, I think it all began because we were trying not to laugh back there over me "ditching" my date and then it became funny for us to try and make each other laugh out loud. Not sure. Anyway, pretty funny. Here's a pic of us leaving on a double date...drillteam ball.


I remember going on mission trips that he went on as well. We also double dated to prom. I went with my then boyfriend who was living with Matt's family at the time because he was having a hard time. Matt eventually go upset with me b.ecause everytime I would call his house I would now ask for my boyfriend and not really talk to him. I think he missed my friendship. Here is a picture of us headed to prom.



We would butt heads a lot. Matt was always very honest and blunt, which is a good quality to have but it also makes for some confrontation. He once told me that he could never marry me because I was wanting to marry someone like Jesus and expecting that person to be perfect. That made me so mad and hurt my feelings. : ) But, yeah, I had high expectations and I was proud of them. I wanted a Godly man to marry. It's funny to look back on now because Matt is more like Jesus than most people I know and I married him!

We ended up visiting East Texas Baptist University together along with two other friends. We had found out about it through a few other friends from church who attended there. So, we took a road trip up there to check it out. We liked it and several of our friends and us all ended up there together the next year. We still hung out the first year but then we each started making our own separate friends and Matt and his girlfriend ended breaking up the year after that. Things just didn't work out between the two of them. Matt and I each ended up dating different people at school and having fun. The first and second pictures are of us our first semester at college. The last one is us carpooling back to school after coming home for one weekend.
Matt is the one in the middle being held by his friends

Me in my frilly dorm room

Carpooling....aren't my shorts just great? : )

Matt began to get more and more attractive to me and I noticed that he was dating some beautiful girls and paying less attention to me. It's funny, I would be looking out my dorm window and see him and a beautiful girl walking out to a car, getting in, and driving off. I think I started getting a little jealous and missing him. Here's a pic of Matt and some of his fraternity brothers with the president of the university. He is the one with the peach shirt on.


We would still double date ocassionally and there was a time when he brought his new girl friend I didn't know, to meet me. We look back on it now and feel sorry for this girl. To us it was innocent. We just really thought a lot of each other and I guess wanted each other's approval. One time when I was dating a guy, Matt stopped us and told us that we were good together and to not let anyone look down on us for taking things slow and being friends. That meant a lot to me because I held his opinion in high regard. The pic below is of Matt "auditioning" to be Mr. ETBU. It was a big joke and soooo funny. He even "played the electric guitar" at one time during tryouts. (He won by the way). : )


As I was dating this guy, I began to miss the friendship that I had with Matt all those years and I even told the guy that. I told him that I wanted to have the same kind of friendship that I had with Matt....with him. That must have been a little disturbing although he handled it well!!!! : ) I had also told one of my friends in private that I really missed Matt, was becoming attracted to him, but I didn't feel like I knew him very well anymore since we hadn't hung out in a while and we had made new friends. Here's a pic of my friend that I told...Suzanne.


Well, it wasn't long before my boyfriend and I broke up because he was ready to get married and I wasn't sure I wanted to move in that direction with him yet. I felt like we were still getting to know each other and I was wanting the kind of friendship I had with Matt with the person I would marry some day. I didn't feel like we had a very solid friendship. I had always wanted to marry my best friend. The pic below is of me handing down my homecoming queen crown. Matt was there and it was the first time he told me I looked beautiful.



One spring night after that, I ran into Matt outside in the parking lot. We began talking and ended up in his car to continue to talk. We just caught up on life with each other and then I told him that I really missed his friendship. I told him I missed the friendship we had in high school where we would do homework together and just hang out with each other and our friends. I can't remember everything he said but he was real sweet and said we could hang out. He was still dating that girl that he brought to meet me not too long ago.

We started traveling together that spring with a recruiting team for ETBU. I was in the singing group and Matt ran the sound for us. It was fun to get to hang out with him every other weekend or so. Here's a pic of us back by the sound booth. Excuse my aweful hair.


Not long after that we were both headed home from school to visit home and we decided to carpool. We had a fun time riding together and we did some more catching up. I told him about my relationship with my boyfriend ending and the story behind it all. He shared with me that his relationship with his girlfriend was a bit rocky and he wasn't sure if it was going to work out. He was going to be spending the summer working with her and so he felt like that would determine a lot. She didn't go to school with us. I was hoping deep down inside that they wouldn't work out because I wanted him all to myself. I really missed him.

Well, he headed off to camp to work that summer and I stayed on campus to work. It was a hard summer because my ex-boyfriend and I had to work together. Stephanie remembers. She worked with us too. Before Matt left we exchanged phone numbers to keep in touch. I called one day and about died because his girlfriend answered his phone and I felt so bad for calling. I didn't want to hurt her and make her feel like I was trying to steal her boyfriend. She said he was really sick and so she was over at his place helping him. I didn't call after that because it made me uncomfortable and I didn't want to get in the way of their relationship. For all I knew before calling, they could have broken up because Matt wasn't sure they were going to work out. But, evidently they hadn't, so I was going to back off. Here's a pic of me and some of the other girls I worked with that summer. I'm on the far left. Steph is the one in the cute shorts overalls. We were about to move these couches with the guys over to another dorm. We were gophers for the university that summer.


I can't remember if Matt called me back or not. I think she gave him the message but he may have forgotten to call back....not sure. But, that summer, on my birthday, out of the blue, Matt showed up on campus where I was working. I can't remember why but he knew it was my birthday and he totally brightened my day. He had some time to hang out and so he drove Steph and I to take some stuff to get dry cleaned for our work. We had fun. You can't not have fun with Matt. I just thought it was so cool that God led him to show up knowing it would make my day more special. I was kinda down and lonely that day. After returning to his work that summer he called me one or two times just to keep in touch and say hi. They weren't long conversations.

He and his girlfriend were still kind of on the rocks when he returned to school that fall, for reasons unrelated to me. Matt and I started hanging out like we did in high school. I was doing my Student Teaching and I would go over there to work on stuff for that and he'd help me grade papers at times, thank goodness! It was very time consuming. He would do school work too and his roomate would be there along with other friends that would stop by. We spent a lot of time talking and catching up. We would talk about high school here or there and just had fun hanging out once again. I worked at a bar-b-que place as a waitress at the time and I would bring him BBQ on the way home from work because he loves BBQ. I had been dating a little bit here or there for fun but it became more evident to me that those times didn't compare to my special times with Matt, the bond we had, and the way we clicked. I was falling in love. I felt bad because ocasionally Matt's girlfriend would call when I was over there hanging out or when I had just stopped by and she would know I was over there. Matt feels terrible looking back on it now. But, she was a good sport knowing we had been good friends for a while but also knowing deep down that we would probably end up together (she told Matt this later).

Matt and I really enjoyed each other. We held a special place in our hearts for one another and loved hanging out. One thing I loved about us was that we were both very independent individuals and could spend time apart and be our own person, yet we could still feel close and loved doing things together and helping each other.

Matt and his girlfriend broke up in the middle of that fall I believe, for reasons unrelated to me. They just didn't work out. I was soooo excited! I could now not feel bad for the times that we hung out and see if Matt was interested in me. We began to hang out more and got closer. One evening he asked if I would cut his hair. I was hesitant and it was funny because I was telling him the story about when I cut one of my friend's bangs in middle school and we started laughing and then I cut a big chunk out of the middle of her bangs. So, we had to cut them really really short to make them even. But, even in spite of that he let me cut away. I loved getting to cut his hair and he loved me doing it! : ) I would stay over there late and grade papers and eat ice cream and I didn't like having to go back to my campus apartment. It was nice to be with him.

One day I had left his place and gone to the store to get a few things and was driving back to my campus apartment in my very old, run down, reliable Dodge Omni. : ) As I thought about Matt, I just knew in my heart that he was probably the one for me to marry. It was surprising yet wonderful. We were still just friends but it just made sense. It just felt right knowing I could be myself and thrive as who God had made me to be as an individual yet also really needed his companionship, help, and encouragement. I just wasn't sure if he felt the same way or if he just considered me as a friend. But I was thrilled that God had worked it out to where things didn't work out with his girlfriend and my boyfriend several months back. We now had an opportunity to be together.

I finished my student teaching that fall, which completed my time at school, and Matt and other friends were helping me pack up my stuff to head home for the holidays and to look for a job. Matt still had one more semester to finish that spring because he had changed majors early on. I was going to take a load down to where I was from and then come back to get another load soon after that.

My friend that I had confided in a year beforehand about missing Matt, being attracted to him, etc., was also "in the know" about my new feelings for Matt that fall. She told me the morning we were packing that she told Matt the night before about how I was really interested in him but didn't want to ruin my friendship with him, and wasn't sure if he would ever be interested. When she told him, he was shocked and was excited. He told her that he had a huge crush on me in high school but never told me because he didn't want to ruin our friendship, and that he had just kind of given up on the idea. I couldn't believe she told him but yet I was so excited and happy he seemed to feel the same way. We were both on cloud 9 that day as we packed but never said anything to each other about it all. We didn't really have the opportunity. Here are a few shots of Matt and another friend the morning he helped me pack...the same morning I found out he and I both had feelings for each other.




More tomorrow!

Air Guitar Nation

Tonight we were hanging out at our apartment and a song came on that I had never heard of but Matt was very fond of the guitar moments. He began to play the "air guitar" for Merrae, Lehya, and I. It was hilarious. Then, later, a documentary came on about an air guitar competition. It was so funny. Check out this clip. Matt said he would so enter this competition. I believe him. He's crazy.

Recovery from Merrae's Birth

Well, yesterday I wrote a BOOK : ) about Merrae's birth. I said I wasn't going to get detailed with that but there was a lot to tell about the experience.

The recovery was pretty tough as well. After my doctor finished stitching me up he put some type of numbing foam on me and then I sat on ice. I felt fine after that other than being exhausted. It was a weird experience getting into my new room because I had to use the bathroom for the first time and that seemed scary to say the least. The nurse that helped me was real sweet. I was so weak and she guided me a long as I took baby steps over to the toilet. She even had to help me sit down and guide me through the whole thing showing me how to begin to take care of myself. I had that numbing foam on hand which was a life saver.

When she brought me back over to my bed Matt came back from helping bathe Merrae. He left her in there to get all her tests run and came back to rest with me. They said they'd bring her to us when they were done. Her pediatrician came to check her out as well. We started to rest and all of a sudden my body started shaking uncontrollably. My first thought was that I didn't eat enough after such a long hard day. All I had was some apple juice and crackers. We called for the nurse because it started getting scary and worse. They seemed concerned but also said it was normal to some degree but that I needed to eat more. They brought me a sandwich and I continued to shake. They told me to try and relax and it would stop. It took a while but it finally stopped. Whew. Scary. The anesthisiologist came to check on me after that and said it was the epidural wearing off that made me shake. Has anyone else had this experience? One of my ankles was so swollen it hurt. That was also a result of the epidural or the fluids given to me through the IV or something. Not sure.

When the nurses came in to check me down below periodically they would just say, "Bless your heart". I knew it must have been bad down there with my episiotomy or hemerroids or something. I didn't ask. I'd rather not know! : ) They said, make sure you keep ice on this. Thank goodness my doctor prescribed me more of that numbing foam to take home with me. I would hurt so bad once it started wearing off. Come to find out, I was given a 3rd degree episiotomy....I'll let you look that one up instead of describing it! My pelvis hurt real bad too. Come to find out, I had sprained my tailbone when Merrae came out. It hurt to sit on my episiotomy and it hurt from the pressure of the sprained tailbone. They gave me pain medicine which I really needed in a bad way. I'm usually not a medicine taker. I like to just tough stuff out instead of putting stuff in my body. But, I knew I needed it this go around. I was concerned to take it because of nursing Merrae but if I didn't take it it would have been hard to take care of Merrae.

Matt and I got a little rest that night but it was interupted by people coming in to check on me. They brought Merrae in a few hours later and we tried to nurse. She was so sleepy and we had a hard time trying to keep her awake to make attempts. But, we kept at it every few hours and she got better and better. She would hang out with us during the day and then at night we would have them keep her in the nursery so we could get more rest. I told them to still bring her in every few hours in the middle of the night to try and nurse. Whew. We were all so tired. It kills me now thinking that I had her in that nursery and not with me at night but I had been given the advice to take advantage of others helping me at night. I think it was good for me to get rest and Matt and I were overwhelmed at learning what in the heck to do with a little thing like a baby! But, I like to keep her under my wing and it makes me sad to think we didn't just keep her with us all night.

My doctor allowed us to stay in the hospital an extra night so we were there a total of 3 nights. We are so thankful for that. We needed to be taken care of considering all the pain I was in. We were also a little scared and learning what to do. Things started getting easier and I was able to take care of myself really well by the time we left. It was funny, the day we left Matt said, "I can't believe they are going to let us do this...take this little baby home with us to care for". I said, "I know". We could barely get her dressed. : ) Here we are leaving the hospital.

The car ride was so fun.....riding home as a family with a precious little baby girl. As we got home Matt snapped a funny picture of me walking by the car bow-legged in pain. Can't find that pic on my computer though. Darn. I wasn't in the most pain from the episiotomy, it was the sprained tailbone that hurt me so bad. That lasted for about 4-5 months. It hurt to sit down and to get up and walk. That made it difficult to take care of Merrae. Matt and my mom had to help me a lot.

I stayed on the numbing foam and pain medicine for a week or two and then stopped because I didn't want it to hurt Merrae in any way. I toughed it out from there but atleast it got me through the worst of it.

Breastfeeding was hard at first. I was really sore and had to pump a little on one side because it hurt too bad for her to eat on that side. There were a few days where it would hurt so bad I would literally yell and cry. I had learned in classes that it would be this way but then it would get better so I toughed it out. It did and everything turned out great. I nursed her for a year, that was my goal. It was so easy. I didn't have to mess with bottles. I lost my weight real fast and it made her so nice and healthy and soft. She got sick a few times over the year but overall she really did well health wise. She has been a real easy baby and good sleeper and eater.

So, that's our story and I'm stickin' to it! I guess I'll do this again in the future. Merrae is kinda worth it. : ) Right after I gave birth I told Matt that it was aweful and I never wanted to do it again....that I wanted to adopt. Believe it or not I've changed my mind. I haven't forgotten all the pain but it was well worth my precious gift from God. She is the joy of my life. (God is my biggest joy but she and Matt are a close 2nd). : )

Merrae's Birth Story

Alright, Stephanie has been begging me to jump on the birth story bandwagon with all our other blogger friends. I probably won't get as detailed as they did. : )

Merrae was due on October 10, 2006. That day came and went and I told my doctor all along that I wanted to just let her come when she was ready and that I didn't want to end up in a c-section if at all possible. I didn't want to be induced. I love my doctor. He has been practicing for over 20 years and is a very patient man. He agreed to just see what my body would do. He was concerned that she would be too big for my hips but then my hips opened up more so he felt ok about waiting. A week and a 1/2 went by and nothing happened. She was getting bigger but he wanted to honor my wishes. I had been dilated to a 2 for a few weeks but nothing changed.

Then I get a phone call at home one night. My doctor is a VERY busy man with tons of patients in this big city and the fact that he called us at home was a shocker. He told me that he was concerned about me. He said the weekend was coming and he would not be on call. He said that if I went into labor, all his co-workers who would be on call would not have the patience to let me deliver vaginally because she was such a big baby. He suggested that for my safety and to have a delivery like I would want, that I should be induced the next day.

This was not what I wanted because I had read that when you are induced the contractions are stronger faster and that sometimes in the end you end up having a c-section because your body is not ready to deliver and your body doesn't progress the way it should. But, my doctor told me that he would only give me 1/3 of the smallest dosage of pitocin to start labor to see if my body would just kick in.

After discussing and praying over it all, Matt and I decided that we felt like the fact that our doctor called us at home was a sign from God that we should follow his lead. We weren't totally certain but didn't want to end up with a different doctor, nor in a c-section so we stepped out on faith praying that God would guide and protect us. We made the appointment.

I didn't sleep at all that night because I was nervous. We went to bed late anyways because we were trying to make sure we were all packed and ready to go. We had been packed but wanted to get those last minute things ready and had lots of phone calls to make. Matt got a few hours of sleep. The pic below is us heading to the hospital.

We arrived at the hospital at around 6:45 or 7 am. I love my hospital. It's a brand new wing for deliveries. Very comfortable, pretty rooms and lights you can dim. Everything was real low key and relaxed. I coudn't eat anything past 12 the night before I believe. Although, I did eat some cereal around 2 am. Couldn't help it! : ) Cereal late at night is a habit for me anyways.

They first put an I.V. in me which I was nervous about because I have never been in a hospital for any type of surgery or procedure. That went perfectly. Then she gave me the 1/3 of the smallest dosage of pitocin. I little while later (Don't have a good memory, sorry) I began getting slight contractions but they weren't painful at all, just a feeling of being squeezed in my mid section. Matt and I just tried to sleep for a while because we were both so tired and the room was cozy. Then the contractions got a little stronger but nothing terrible at all. Matt would look at the chart that showed how strong they were and he said, "Whoa, that was a big one" but I didn't feel like it was a big one. It wasn't bad. I was emailing friends during this time keeping them updated.

I had read a book called The Bradley Method that Michawn had suggested a few weeks beforehand. It is a book about delivering naturally, no medication. I wanted to try this. It's a great book (kinda feels like a pornographic magazine or something because they show you the relaxation techniques with the woman in the nude and even shows her giving birth. Yuck!). It teaches you how to relax your whole body when a contraction comes. That way you are not fighting your body, you are helping it. So, I did that and it helped me to remember to stay calm and strong through the whole deal.

After a long while and getting checked out, they decided we needed to up the pitocin dosage drip a bit so I agreed. Sometime around this time they broke my water to help things progress. I was nervous about that but it didn't hurt. The contractions started getting a bit more intense shortly after that and I just kept trying to relax. It was uncomfortable but not horrible. Then, I began to get terrible back pain. I thought it was all part of the contractions but after my doctor checked me he said that Merrae was turned slightly and that was causing the back pain. He said we needed to try and get her turned the right direction by me lying on my side.

Matt and I made some phone calls and emails to get people to pray that she'd turn the right way. The back pain was intense. Matt was so good to push as hard as he could on my back. He never complained or gave up on that.....I felt bad but he just kept pushing. Eventually, our mom's, Matt's dad and sister showed up from out of town and they came in to check on us. Matt's mom gave him a break and she began rubbing my back. It was funny because it was actually kind of on my butt that she had to rub. We bonded that day. : )

With each contraction the nurse was concerned that the baby was not getting enough oxygen because since she was turned slightly off, it was causing the umbilical cord to get squeezed. So, she gave me an oxygen mask to help get her more oxygen.

The back pain was so strong and intense that I felt I couldn't bear it. I asked for an epidural. Only problem was, I couldn't get it right away due to other's getting one. The Bradley Method techniques helped me during that time because it hurt so bad. Finally, the anesthisiologist came in and I was almost totally out of it (#1 because I was really working on the relaxation techniques and #2 because I was so exhausted from the pain). I wasn't scared at all, I just needed some relief. The hardest part was trying to relax my body during the intense back pain with each contraction so he could get that thing in. But, all went well and it wasn't soon before I didn't feel that back pain at all! It was wonderful. I could still feel the contractions but no pain. I was able to relax and my body started working even more. I dilated more and then it was time to push. (Oh by the way! When the anesthisiologist left, the nurse told me that he was Condolisa Rice's cousin!!!!!) Pretty cool, huh?

I knew with a first baby that this would be a long process but it sure did seem like a really long time to push. Merrae still wasn't in the right position but she had turned more in the right direction. The nurse that was helping me begin to push had me turn to my side to push to help with getting her turned even more the right way. She was real confident about this. When my doctor came in to check on me a little later he didn't feel this was the right thing to do so I turned back facing out. I was sitting up but at a diagonal. I was concerned they were going to have me lay down to push which is said in the books to not be helpful, so I was pleased to be sitting up pretty much to push.

I felt a lot of pressure during each contraction which is when they would have me push. Didn't feel natural but evidently, that's the time to push so I suffered through it. Not fun at all. That nurse was a God send. She normally did not work that shift during the week. She normally worked weekends during the day. But, she somehow ended up there with me and was exactly what I needed to get my big baby out! She was like a drill sergeant. She would yell, "PUSH! KEEP PUSHING! YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU ARE GOING TO GET THIS BABY OUT. YOU ARE GOING TO DO IT. PUSH!!!!" I guess she knew how difficult it was going to be for that huge baby to come out of little ole me. I wasn't complaining or whining or anything....I was just focused and working hard. But she really wanted me to make every moment count to have this be a successful delivery. Had it not been for her really pushing me I think I would have had a much harder time. Matt was a good support too but he was new to all this. He would stroke my hair, give me ice chips and held the other leg. Ok, so maybe I'll get a little detailed because nobody ever told me this until my birthing classes and there may be someone reading this who hasn't had a baby yet and could benefit....or rather....prepare themself for this.....During the pushing stage I pooped all over the place!!!!!! Ugh. Disgusting. That's apparently a part of the whole experience you never hear about. I guess there might a be a few lucky ones that don't, but most do. I kept apologizing to Matt and he just said it was ok, it's part of it, don't worry about it. My nurse continued to reassure me that it was perfectly normal, everybody does it, she's used to it. and she'd just clean it up real fast when it happened. Gross!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, so much for not getting detailed. : ) I guess that's one thing all you c-section people didn't have to deal with! : ) I continued pushing and I worked sooo hard. Eventually my doctor came in looking all like a surgeon, all steril. Other people came in with rolling carts and tools. I then had to push harder and harder to the point that I was extremely exhausted. But, I had to continue to push harder. The pressure of her being that low in me and pushing was overwhelming. It was so uncomfortable. I had memorized some scripture from the Bible and those kept coming to my mind as I grew tired. It's funny, I can't remember the exact verses but I think they were the ones that say, "When I am weak, then You are strong", "I can do all things through Christ who strengthen's me", and I had other verses written down that I looked at. All of that was very encouraging. Even verses that I had memorized a long time ago came to my mind when I least expected it. God was right there with me.

My doctor said that she was close to coming out but she kept slipping back up into my pelvis. Something inside me is tilted slightly and so I guess that was making it harder for her to make her way out. At this point, tons of other hospital personel start flooding in. Not sure who all they were but Matt and I are convinced it was people wanting to observe how in the heck my doctor was going to deliver this baby vaginally without me ending up in a c-section. The other thought after pushing so hard for so long, was that I would end up in an emergency c-section. I thought all those people might be there to help my doctor in case it ended up that way. I was really too tired to care but it was odd. I didn't think I'd be able to get this baby out.

I then feel all sorts of tugging and clanging of tools. Weird I know. It was my precious doctor working with all his might to get Merrae out. He first tried the suction cup but it kept popping off her head. He was telling me as it happened. He said, "It keeps popping off her head". My nurse would yell, "PUSH!" Then he had to use forcepts. That was uncomfortable for me. I already had the pressure down there with her coming through and then that was an added uncomfortableness. Things were not chaotic or anything, she was just having a hard time getting out of my body so everyone was having to work a little harder.

I guess my epidural had worn off by this time. Actually, I know it did because in order for Merrae to get enough oxygen or something they said they had to not give me as much. Merrae was so big my doctor had to give me an episiotomy. I felt him cut me. OUCH. And then I felt him tugging to make more room for her to come out. It was aweful. This all happened before he used the suction cup and forcepts I believe. He kept telling me to PUSH real hard during each contraction and then push even when it felt like I couldn't push any more. Easier said than done. I really felt like I was going to pass out because I was so tired. I had been spent and I really didn't think I could push any longer. I began moaning uncontrollably in exhaustion.

Well, with my doctor's tugging and my pushing, she finally came out at 8:47 pm and the pressure was gone. I was so relieved and in awe that she finally came out and I didn't end up with any other problems. Pretty much right after that my placenta came out. The pics below are me right after Merrae was born. I look pretty out of it.

I stared in awe and disbelief at Merrae as they held her up on her little bed several feet away from me as they suctioned her, and did whatever they do. All I could do was stare at her. What a miracle. That came out of me! I then heard "9 lbs 4 oz!!!!" My doctor said, "Wow, that's bigger than I thought". She was 21 1/2 in. long. My doctor began stitching me up which was so painful. I could feel every stitch since my epidural had worn off. I cried. The only thing that made it bearable was looking at Merrae as they checked her out and got foot prints and all. The nurses worked fast with her and as soon as they were done there in the room they brought her right over to me all bundled up with her little cap on for me to hold. At this point I was so weak and in pain that I was scared to hold her. I started to say, "I don't think I can hold her" but before I could get 1/2 way through my sentence they put her on my chest. I'm so glad too. She was so warm and was still crying and we cried together as I looked in awe at her. I was in shock over all that just had happened as well as understanding that she was mine. Matt and I just smiled and looked at each other like, "This is crazy". Matt was so sweet. Before he went over to see Merrae once she came out, he stayed with me for a moment and made sure I was ok. He comforted me, loved on me, and told me I did a good job. After holding Merrae through the whole stitch up, it was finally over and I kept holding her. We both finally stopped crying and she just blinked her sweet little innocent eyes at us. She had the prettiest little lips and perfect shaped head believe it or not (after all the trauma it had been through!) She was soo cute. Matt then got his chance to hold her and of course he was in awe and in love. At our request it was just the two of us through the whole pushing part of labor and in the first moments after. I needed my space to deal with the hard labor and wanted that special bonding time when she first came. I also wanted to make sure she got to nurse. It was so funny. The first time she tried to nurse, she blew a "raspberry" noise on me! It took a lot of the pressure off of getting things right and made me laugh.

That nurse that was helping coach me through the pushing later told me that she really didn't know if I was going to be able to get that baby out of me. That cofirmed to me that God was with us and helped make things happen. Thank you God for looking after us and helping us. We love you. You are so good.

My mom, Matt's mom and sister were standing outside the door during labor trying to listen to what was going on before being shewed away by other nurses. I don't think their feelings were hurt by not getting to be in there the whole time. If anything, Matt's mom was thrilled to have her new grandaughter born on her birthday! That was special. Another special thing for my mom was that Merrae's middle name was named after her....Ruth. That was also my grandmother's name.

We got to hang out with Merrae for over an hour before Matt and the nurses took her to be bathed and to do whatever else they do. I was relieved to get a nice cold glass of apple juice and crackers. I'll tell you about my recovery in another post.....(This seems to be a trend with my friends and their birth stories) : ) First pic is Merrae right after her bath. The last few are when we got to the room we'd be staying in.

We're almost out of the blue!

I went to the doctor when I found spots on the back of my throat thinking it was strep. Thankfully the throat culture came back negative for that. Today my throat has been totally fine! Thank you Jesus! It was just a miserable 2 days with those aches, headache, fever, and aweful sore throat. Don't think Merrae ever had it and Matt had it for a few days before me.

Matt is having a hard time with his allergies and his back (2 bulging discs). When we aren't sick we usually walk daily and that helps his back. But, we haven't felt well enough to walk so he is pretty miserable. Hopefully we can pick that back up tomorrow. I didn't want to push it today since it's my first day to feel better.

Merrae was really hyper tonight. It was so funny. She would pick on Lehya and play around with us and then crack up laughing. She's got a great sense of humor. She's getting louder in her expressions and very easily excited. She's good at telling us what she wants and if she can't do that she pulls us by the hand to go where she wants us to go. She loves sitting in our lap reading books.....lots of books and understanding more and more that we try and teach her. We LOVE that little girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you God for the blessing!!!!!!

Sick as a dog

Not sure why that is an expression....but that's me....sick as a dog. Matt had a sore throat and gave it to me but I am worse than he was. I have fever and body aches along with the sore throat. That's the worst isn't it? I'm praying we don't give it to Merrae. She is still trying to get rid of fluid in her right ear. It may already be gone because we've been praying that she'd be healed but I don't want her to get anything else. Hope you guys are feeling well. Keep us in your prayers.

House Hunting

Wow! I just realized it's been a week since I posted last! Sorry. We have started looking for a house. We signed another 6 month lease at our wonderful apartment God has blessed us with. It should help with saving up a little more. Everything is so expensive around here! We've considered building out of the city but hate to go that far. It's not that it's THAT far, you have to drive a long way to get anywhere in a big city, but it'd be nice to be right in the middle. But, doing that means you have to get a fixer upper or stumble across someone who has already fixed something up who is desperate to sell so that it's affordable. We have started working with a realtor who is very nice and have gotten pre-approved for a loan. So, we'll just keep praying about it and I know God will provide above and beyond what we ask for. He always does and then I feel silly for asking for something so materialistic.

We LOVE our apartment. 4 years, or more, ago, Matt was looking for an apartment (when he was single) and didn't think he could afford one in this complex. I checked into it and they were running some really good specials and so he moved in to a one bedroom for a year. Then, we got engaged and picked out a 2 bedroom that he lived in for about 6 months before we got married and then I moved in. As soon as we looked at this 2 bedroom we liked it because it has kind of a house feel to it. The kitchen and living room are in the front and then there is a hallway that leads to the bedrooms in the back. It has nice high ceilings and is a fairly new property.

Next to it and across the street is some farmland where there are cows and horses. A little farther down the road there is an outlet mall that we powerwalk in everyday. It's so convenient when the weather is too cold or hot or when it is too dark outside. Behind us is a city trail that is about a mile long. It's got a wide cemented path surrounded by big trees and a stream with a golf course on the other side. We have easy access to the highway and are right in the heart of the metroplex.

The complex recently did upgrades in all the apartments who signed new leases. Last year when we signed, we got new carpet which came in time for Merrae's crawling stage, new kitchen floor that looks like wood, tile backsplash in the kitchen, new kitchen faucet, updated light fixtures in the bathrooms, and fresh paint that is a khaki color. When we signed a new lease yesterday they agreed to put new faucets, towel bars, and shower curtain rods in the bathrooms as well as a carpet cleaning. I saw all that in my neighbor's apartment and liked it. The shower curtain rod is the kind that curves out from the tub making it seem bigger. Everything is so nice and makes it hard to think about moving into an older used home. We've been spoiled. I know you can always do updates but we don't want to spend a fortune on that. It'll all work out and God will lead us to a great place that will work out. Meanwhile, I'm very content and blessed here. We are a little cramped and are having to constantly weed through all our belongings to make it work but that can be a good thing! It's amazing how much you can accumulate over even one year!